My mental health has been ruining..

I used to have such a strong mental health than I have right now, I don't know how or when it has been destroyed.. as I could remember I was in a unhealthy relationship where you weren't really you, but seriously I don't want to blame the relationship either.. I would say I put too much my feelings that I have to someone who ain't as serious as I am. yeah.. I think I say it right or maybe not.. hmm anyway I want to talk to you who read this about my mental health..

Sometime I do feel that I am so weak not by phisically but mentally.. I feel like I absorb easily but at the same time I feel everything, everything what people have done to me and I am just there bawling.. in my room.

as I have seen so many people who has gone through hard times and they are mostly not open to new people.. I feel them so much. I'm getting scared sometime.. everytime when I have to open myself up to someone and I really wish they know about it of how much do I have to put energy to myself to open myself up with them.

Things are easy nowadays.. people don't really give shit to another which sometime I feel like I was born to wrong generation. Here is just not mine anymore.

I have been "I don't care" as I was in my teen. I didn't take things personal, I just do and ignore people around me but it was like I haven't learned about how to live with another but I was just living my life.

It was totally cool for myself tho but it was like kinda selfish.. then I've learnt more about people as I was in a relationship, you know.. people teached you lessons of life what you can improve yourself to be the new version of you. But there is also the opposite what you have received...

It was like last year where I was in the relationship and it kinda ruined myself and my relationship.. and at that point it makes me to believe that there is going to be nowhere, where you can end up with happy ending..

as It has killed my mental health I have lost what I've believed in myself, it took all my good energies away from me, and what is even worse is that you no more believe in REAL, by real I mean Love, the FEELING of trusting in people. I kinda feel like I have lost so much more positive mind..

And when you truly love someone you just want the best for each other, you care about them but what I have gotten was "I don't feel like to talk." then he disappeared for weeks, not even reply my texts. I didn't what I have done wrong but as all the feelings I have been giving means nothing..

I just.. you know.. I feel like.. He left me into pieces.. Maybe it's just a karma, what I deserve or whatever it is Ihave no idea.. but I still have this kind of believing that there is going to be my time where I end up with someone who truly care about me and I do care about him.

Maybe my latest relationship just one of the another lesson where I should realize that things are not going to work out with anybody but only the right person.

anyway I hope you all deserve the love that you have been waiting for and I really hope that you all have a healthy relationship.

much love from me xxxx